Sighs. I'm scared. Nowadays I feel that I've been changing unknowingly, into someone whom I don't really know.
I don't like who I am now because I seem to have changed for the worse. Selfish, self-centered, arrogant, lazy, stupid, insensitive, demanding, timid, low self-esteem, forgetful, careless etc... Haha in short, all these make me an useless person. I'm conscious abt it. I wanna change, but... I can't seem to control it... Unlike the past when everything has been smooth-sailing, many things seem to be going against me now... I'm so scared that one day I'll lose everything. Perhaps I'm just not the cut in the first place; perhaps I've always been wearing a crown that's too big for my head.. Lol...
I used to be extremely optimistic because I hate to be depressed. Sometimes I just can't help it. It's inevitable to lose faith after multiple failures. Sometimes I also wonder if nothing has changed at all, it's just me being depressed and hence over-sensitive with whatever that's happening to me. I don't know anymore. I've lost the ability to judge between right and wrong now. I don't dare to judge. Sometimes I wish the almighty God can be my friend, so He can tell me what has gone wrong and tell me how I can get out of this.
Sighs. I just feel so lost and scared. I don't know what's going on anymore; everything seems to be beyond my control alrdy. ):
